Wednesday, January 28, 2009

That's enough, now.

To all those people who feel it necessary to pollute the sightlines and reduce the aerodynamic capacity of their cars with those ridiculous window-mounted Australian flags:

Australia Day is over.

Those flags are tacky.

They're made in China.

You look stupid.

Take them off.

Thank you.

Monday, January 26, 2009

Child abuse

From the birth notices:

Jagger Blue

Lyla Tru

Considering the impact a name can have on a person's self-image and the way in which they're judged by others, which one, do you think, will end up in Children's court first?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Injudicious bullets

Prudence, who works in a large office in the middle of the city, has had a trying day.

There has been a heated disagreement over the format of a writing project. Prudence believes readers are quite capable of handling full sentences, arranged in sensible paragraphs.

Prudence's manager, who has an astonishingly thick hide, believes all documents are enhanced by their reduction to bullet points.

Prudence is adamant that bullet points are only correct when used to insert a particularly long list within a sentence, and should have semi-colons plopped judiciously therein.

Prudence's manager does not even wish to see information presented in proper sentences, insisting that bullet-pointed facts enhance "readability".

Prudence is thoroughly sick of such jargon, and thinks it is high time to find another job.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Get me a shotgun!

So, Prudence found herself at a wedding expo this morning, with her sister-in-law, of whom she is very fond, hence this excursion.

And my, but wasn't there a lot to see - hummers stretched beyond belief and outfitted past credulity, confections of satin, froth and bubble marked down 40 per cent, but only after being marked up 100 per cent, one suspects, ice sculptures, chocolate fountains, topiary hire, formal wear for the under-one set, some of the most crass costume jewellery to emerge from a sweatshop in Asia...

And wedding singers.

Two men, one barely reaching 5', standing on platforms (the shorter one on a taller platform) decked out in dinner suits, crooning to the dazed masses. Who ignored them.

Perhaps this is a sign that the recession has hit?

Friday, January 16, 2009

Off to a good start

My colleague was telling me about an upcoming wedding in which he's playing a facilitative role. I think that means he's best man, but he wasn't admitting to it.

The couple, an overly superstitious pair, one assumes, have imposed a series of challenges to complete before they consider themselves properly married.

They have to saw through a log. Apparently this symbolises the hardest thing the marriage will have to accomplish. I thought better of suggesting they use a nail file.

They also have to break a load of crockery on their driveway. To symbolise the only broken thing in their marriage. I wonder who gets to clean it up?

I got the impression there were more, um, activities, but I was spared the details.

Is this a particular brand of naivete? Or am I being overly cynical about the challenges of modern relationships?